Grief Is Just Love With No Where To Go

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us”

2 Corinthians 1:4

A Nicholas Sparks quote from the movie, “A Walk To Remember” comes to mind today, “There are moments when I wish I could roll back the clock and take all the sadness away, but I have the feeling that if I did, the joy would be gone as well.” Not necessarily the way I would like to begin a devotional but it is what it is. Twenty years ago today she died. Just seventeen years old and with so much of life ahead of her at seventeen. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long since Danielle Marie Gould left us for heaven. I wish to God I could say that all these twenty years later the pain is gone and the hurt doesn’t hurt any more but that is just not true. Yes, we have all adjusted in our own ways, life goes on as the saying goes, or just the part without her. The hole her death created will never be filled and for me I think I prefer it that way. It’s my personal reminder of her impact on my life and that no matter what, no one will ever fill the void of what once was filled by her.

I read something not too long ago, just a couple of sentences that have stuck with me and really helped me put grief into perspective. It said, “Grief is really just love with no place to go.” I so get that, and for me and many others it’s true. Our grief regarding Danielle is knowing that because she is not here with us physically, we can’t give her the love we would hope to give. Our love for her never ceases but now builds and builds over time with no outlet and then suddenly and usually without warning that love that has been pent up within begins to pour itself out. Love flows from the corner of our eyes, making its way down and out both the mouth and nose. It often times continues down to a lump that grows in the throat and finally becomes a hollow pain in the chest. Yes, I too believe it’s true, “Grief is just love with no place to go”.

So all these twenty years later I find I have more hopes and dreams about what might have been than what actually was. But what was, was so real and true, so much more than what I deserved. Danielle was a gift to us when my wife and I first met her. She had become our daughter Bree’s BFF all the way back in grade school where they met. I loved Danielle from the first time I met her. There was just something about her. Back then, she was a small spunky freckled face little girl wearing those cute denim coveralls with bangs that were cut straight across her forehead. Even as a young girl she walked with a happy hop in her step. Everything about her expressed happy, from her smile to that sparkle in her eyes, and oh that laugh. Contagious, loud, and every now and then even a little obnoxious.

Raised in a Christian home Danielle loved Jesus from her earliest days and as she grew older her faith in Jesus grew stronger as it became her own. When she passed away at seventeen she was living what some would say was her best life. She was as beautiful on the outside as she was on the inside. She had a very strong walk with the Lord and was committed to not only knowing Jesus but also seeking to make Him known in every facet of her being. At seventeen she was entering the era of boys and boyfriends and had just begun to pray earnestly for her own “Mr. Right”, a young man who would seek to love her like Jesus loves her. She obviously set the bar too high we would jokingly say after she left, so high in fact that the only one who could meet her expectations was the Lord Himself. So, on August 20, 2004 Danielle crossed the threshold from this life into eternity where she met her “Mr. Right” face to face. Our loss was heavens gain.

I remember a quote that said, “When you love someone you see the world in their eyes and you see their eyes everywhere in the world.” Its true. Even twenty years later there are many things that when I see them I am reminded of Danielle. The colors green and orange. Those big crinkle-cut French fries with seasoning salt on them or mint chip ice cream (she liked hers in milk). Ballerina’s and someone dancing as they walk. Skipping, Danielle loved to skip as she walked. Like I said, even her walk communicated happy. When I see young kids with their hands raised high in worship I think of her. When I see an old black Ford Focus car, especially if all the windows are down and it looks like the person driving is singing. Loud laughter from a young female always makes me think of her. So many files of my brain are filled with thoughts and memories of her. Though we know as believers in Jesus, to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, we still grieve her loss but now we understand that our grief is a good thing. Today, on the twentieth anniversary of her death grief is our reminder that our love for Danielle just comes from hearts overflowing with love for her that has no where else to go.


“So show them your love, and prove to all the churches that our boasting about you is justified.”

2 Corinthians 8:24

I LOVE YOU!