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"The Trophy Wife"


"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her"

Ephesians 5:25

Being almost 60 years young I forget things a lot more easily than I use too. Yet, I remember falling in love with my wife like it was yesterday. I remember how I felt when we went out in public together and how I loved the feeling I felt knowing that she was with me. Almost 35 years later I still love that feeling. Having a trophy wife as it were is a very biblical thing and not some male chauvinist concept, as the bible says "a man who finds a wife finds a "good thing" and obtains favor from the Lord." Having a good wife gives you that same feeling that coming in first does. Another passage that comes to mind says a wife "is the "crown" (throphy) upon her husbands head" so I think its safe to say that God intended wives to be trophies in a sense, reminders of His favor and His grace in a man's life. That's why we teach the men in our church, one of the most important keys to a great marriage is for a man to marry up! Marry a woman that challenges you to be your best and who seeks to help you become all that God desires you to be and whose life and personal joy become your reward, your trophies in this life!

There is a difference between a trophy one wins in a competition and a trophy wife though. A trophy won in a competition is placed on a shelf and dusted off periodically as it is viewed from afar. A trophy wife on the other hand is to be loved and cherished, adored and cared for moment by moment, not just dusted off occasionally but washed and cleansed daily. The apostle Paul wrote in the book of Ephesians, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word". The Word of God has cleansing power and as husbands we do well to speak and read the Word to and with our wives. Its one thing to attend church together (and that's good!) but its even better to have church together where the husband leads his wife through sacrificial service and loving care.

The battle most couples face in marriage is in putting their spouse first. Preferring others better than ourselves reminds me of a cute story. I laugh every time I hear the story about the Mom fixing breakfast for her two boys, Kevin who was seven and Johnny who was four. The mother fixed pancakes and thought she would teach the boys a life lesson about love and caring for one another and what it means to prefer the other better than ones self. She put the first plate of pancakes in front of her boys to see how they would respond and immediately they both went for the plate, pulling on it and yelling at each other to let go. Mom stepped in and took the plate and said to Kevin her oldest son, "Kevin, don't you think Jesus would let his brother have the first set of pancakes?" Kevin smiled and looked up at his younger brother and politely said, "Johnny, you be Jesus" and then he immediately grabbed the plate for himself and started in on the pancakes."

The call of God in marriage and in the family home is for husbands to love their wives like Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. You might say God is saying to husbands today, "you be Jesus for your wife". As a guy who loves adventures and sports and winning too, marriage provides me everything I can handle and more. To wake up each day and know God has called me to win my wife's heart causes me to sit and get counsel from my bible, "the playbook of life" on just how I might win her each day. Did I say, each day? Yes, friend, every day is a new day, an opportunity to experience victory no matter how bitter the defeat might have been just twenty-four hours before. Remember the mercies of God are new every morning. It's a new game you might say of today, so get back up and get in the game! You won her heart once, you can do it again. Today's a new day!

Remember, in marriage your wife is the prize, as scripture reminds us, a good wife is the trophy you are seeking to win. The good news is, every man can have a trophy wife, all he has to do is love her like Jesus loves the church (And that's impossible to do without God's help). You might be thinking, "Where do I begin?" Start by loving her like you love yourself. Put as much effort into loving her as you do into loving you. Give her the same considerations you give yourself. Instead of thinking first, "What's in it for me" think instead, "Whats in it for her?" Consider her and her needs as much as you think of your own and you will win!

The apostle Paul went on to say in the book of Ephesians, "Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." The message to husbands is clear as it is to the wife too. To your wives, Let your husband win! Don't penalize him for trying to love you. Honor him, respect him and he will move mountains in his attempt to win you again and again. There is nothing a man wants more in marriage than a trophy wife, a woman he can look at, hold close and celebrate that she is his and he is hers.

So, whats the strategy for winning, for having that trophy wife? We just read it but in case you missed it, the winning strategy for a trophy wife is this. Husbands, love your wives and wives, respect your husbands because when we do everybody wins!

"So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself."

Ephesians 5:28


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